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For most, January first always bears with it a glow of hope, a shimmer of possibility, and the fresh smell of new beginnings. It represents the closing of one chapter, and the start of another. The right to come to terms with mistakes made, friends lost and lessons learned in the previous year.
But today, for me, is different. Looking back on 2010, the best year of my life so far, I realize that I have no regrets, I've got nothing to look back on in sadness and I would be lucky, fortunate and blessed for this upcoming year to even compare to 2010.
2010, I want to thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to see parts of the world I'd never seen before. For the chance to present at the world biggest health conference and host the most successful youth workshop. Thank you for allowing me to attend the most monumental Canadian event I will ever have the chance to witness, the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. Thank you for my experience in Ghana, the friends made and lessons learned. Thank you for the time I got to spend with my family, and the ever-growing close relationship I get to have with them. Thank you for my job in Ottawa that gives me the flexibility to live the lifestyle that's perfect for a complicated, hectic person such as my-self. And last, but the furthest thing from least, thank you for introducing me to someone who has quickly become a best friend, and one of the most important people I've ever met, Jake. At this time last year, I hadn't even met him, and now I really can't imagine my life without him.
9 out of 10 on my list of 10 in 2010 got accomplished, exactly what I had hoped for. This year, I'm going bigger and better. I have high hopes and expectations for 2011, and I can't wait to see what it has in store for me.
The new year may have gotten off to a rough start, but I have no doubt it's all uphill from here. Cheers to 2011!
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| no meat, no alcohol, no weed...
no problem. see you on december 31st world.
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| when you're stuck in it, and can't see the way out, you wake up every morning thinking "am i better yet?". it's not until you go a few months without asking or thinking it and then you suddenly remember to ask "am i better yet" that you realize you are. once you've seen your-self in a dark, lonely place and have thought to your-self "i don't think this will ever go away", and truthfully believe it...but eventually do find your way out and get better... you find this sense of belief that there'll always be a way out. there was a time where i thought i was broken and unfixable. and there may still be a scar, but the scab has fallen. and i am better. i'm not lying to my-self about it anymore, it's just gone.
and it never feels the way you thought it would. you don't wake up one morning in this great mood thinking "wow, i feel so much better all of a sudden". it's a process, and it takes time. but it gets to a point where you're waking up every morning in a good mood, and that's when you begin to recognize your-self.
i'm saying things to him i never thought i'd be able to tell a guy, and being able to tell him these things and trust him is exciting to me. scary, but exciting. i'm actually trying really hard to make it work. i'm being honest, and open, and so far it hasn't backfired.
-X XXXX XXX- maybe. no...not yet;; | | |
| Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.
It is said that loving someone is knowing the worst thing about them, and wanting them and caring for them just the same. It is said that to be loved is for someone to know the worst thing about you, and that it doesn't change how they see or feel you. I'm not sure I know what the worst thing about me is, or that someone could ever accept it. But it's moments like these, when I forget about the past, ignore the scary possibilities that lurk ahead in the future, and focus on what I think, feel and want right now... that I know I'd rather die trying to find out than to ever live without it.
I just spent 5 amazing days in Vancouver with a guy who's more perfect than any man I've ever seen in any movie. I didn't know these kinds of guys existed. Guys who open your car door for you every time you get in, guys who watch Disney movies and listen to the same kind of music I listen to, guys who have a good head on their shoulders and are going somewhere in life, guys who surprise me with cupcakes both at my apartment in Ottawa and while I'm visiting them in Vancouver, guys who I can spend hours in Chapters with just looking around and making jokes, guys who I can lay tangled with in bed for hours just talking, laughing, touching. Maybe it's not love, maybe it's long distance and unrealistic and scary, maybe it's stupid and foolish, but if this is a close as I ever get to love, I think I could be okay with that, because from what I can see, it's perfect. And who knows, maybe one day I'll find out what exactly is the worst thing about me. And maybe someone else will find it out too. And if they do, and they can accept it and me for everything I am, good and bad, then I think I could be okay with that too. | | |
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since you took my heavy heart, and made it light. | | |
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